WONDERING

... or wandering and wording

[Because writing is never done, I tweaked this the morning after I published it. No doubt I’ll tweak it again.]

My first waking hour of the day is always a struggle. I am not a morning person. Since leaving my full-time academic post to work independently (a process I prefer to think of as refiring rather than retiring), the freedom to choose how to spend my time has added a particular tension to this matinal angst. If I make myself get up and start writing, it’s the most productive time of day. That’s when novels or academic papers flow most readily, when each word doesn’t feel like a constipated straining against feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. But sometimes, after that first determined effort to get out of bed, I’m lured outdoors by the beauty of a sunrise or the cloudless clarity of a blue sky. If I go walking, ideas will begin to spiral out of control. Nature will speak to me in a thousand wordless languages. I’ll come home laden with intuitions and inspirations that weigh …